party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
