Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
