If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
