He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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