here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
