I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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