I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
