my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
