High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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