I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
