i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
a search helicopter?!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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