I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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