i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
