i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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