That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
