k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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