2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
