if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
