So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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