You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
