Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
