I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
