No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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