If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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