Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
