There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
