She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
