i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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