I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you win again, gameday.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
