The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
