I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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