Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
