you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
