I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
