Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
