Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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