I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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