Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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