In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We need a shit load of segways right now
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
