i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
