At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
