i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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