I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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