I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
