I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
