Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
