I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
