My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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