Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
