my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
