I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
