im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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