New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just blew my weed a kiss
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
