No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Randomize
